Another Baby

I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamed I found out I was pregnant. I hadn't been feeling well for a while and so I went to the doctor and she said I was 3 months pregnant. Then they did an ultrasound and said something might be wrong with the baby, they weren't exactly sure. I was totally perturbed in my dream and then when I woke up, I was still perturbed.

It was quite the dream. I don't put much stock in dreams, mainly because I have had some pret-ty weird dreams in my time. If I thought they meant something, they would've probably meant I was going nuts.

So anyway, back to the dream. I was stunned just to be pregnant, simply because I am not one of those people who don't know they are pregnant. I know I am before I miss my period. So to have made it that far without hurling my guts up, would be miraculous. It would much safer on my body. But then there was something wrong with the baby, maybe. But, I knew I had made my peace with not having any more children. As part of my Pollyanna attitude I try to make the best of bad situations, not having any more kids would have to be close to the top of the list. But I have. I have looked for all of the good things about not having any more kids. And I have found quite a few. I enjoy the time I have to spend alone. I like the thought of being a young empty nester. I will be 44 when Fiona graduates from high school.

I was so confused. The hardest part of the pregnancy would've been over, but there would still be 6 months left of potential problems. There could be something wrong with the baby, but then again there might not have been.

I guess what I learned when I woke up and started thinking about things. I am grateful we aren't having any more kids. The toll on my body has been too much. The time I get to be alone now is great. The things I get to accomplish while they are gone make me much happier when they are here. But wow, what a wild dream. Definitely gave me food for thought. I have worried, since I knew I wasn't going to have any more kids at the ripe old age of 25, that I would have serious regrets later. But, once again I am at peace with things I can't control.

Check out this cute picture of Fiona as a baby. I found her sleeping with her friend Boo this way. She's not quite one. Also, that's her blanky that was taken out with the laundry at Doernbecher's Childrens Hospital and we never got back.