Trash

No seriously, trash. Like actual garbage. I had no idea how much of my life involved the trash. Like picking stuff up, bagging it and then moving it out to the trash can. Back in Portland, we had a fairly small can, recycling bins and the trash man only came once a week. Here in Texas, you can have an amazing amount of trash cans and the trash man comes twice a week, plus it's cheaper! Weird.
Anyway, our trash man came on Saturday and right after he left, TD filled both of our big trash cans full of lawn clippings and leaves. It's been four agonizing days without being able to put household trash into the cans. It wouldn't be so bad on some weeks, some weeks we skip one trash day and only roll out one trash can on the other day that week. This week? Well, let's see, Buttercup had her birthday, which involves presents and wrapping and boxes to be disposed of. Then I also went on a jam making spree which involved strawberry containers and large sugar bags. Plus, TD wanted Papa Johns on Monday. All of which has left my house looking like the garbage dump and it's been making me crazy. Also, I cleaned the bathrooms on Monday and I couldn't take out the trash, which makes it look like I didn't clean the bathrooms. UGH! Oh! And the newspapers! Including two Sunday editions, I like the coupons....But still, there are piles of newspapers around our dining room table.
I guess I had no idea how much of my daily activities revolved taking stuff out to the trash can. I guess I should remind myself how lucky we are that we have a trash guy. Oh and the second I hear him? I am running out to get one of those trash cans so I can empty my house. Maybe I should get dressed first. Buttercup would be so embarrassed if I was running around in my PJs and robe.....

Happy Birthday Buttercup

I was trying to explain to someone, last week, the wunderbaby that was Princess Buttercup. She walked at 9 months (only because she didn't figure out how to let go of her walking toy at 7 months). She went directly from nursing to a cup. She didn't even see a cuppie until 18 months, at which point she couldn't figure out how to work it. She even ate her birthday cake with a fork! You can see it in her hand in the middle picture. Those pictures show how dirty she got, compared with Fiona who literally bathed in her first birthday cake.

I cannot believe these pictures are 10 years old, much less that I am the mom of an 11 year old. I don't think I planned, as a kid, on being such a young mom. I am grateful that I was. I don't think, if we had waited, that I would be able to get pregnant now. Not to mention, I absolutely cannot imagine trying to wrangle a toddler full time right now....ugh.

I told Buttercup I didn't want to do a party this year, we have a limit on how many parties they get. But I was more than willing to have a Mom and me day. We are headed out together on Friday, to do a bit of shopping and eating, sans baby sister. That will probably be her favorite part. I just hope, that as she continues growing, I will see more of the expression in the top picture and less of the bottom picture!

Still Mama's Baby

We were in church yesterday and Fiona came over to complain that she was tired. I had her hop up on my lap (she's getting bigger, I could use the help!) and turn sideways so she could lean on me. Then I laid my jacket over her. She put the jacket on herself and complained that she had nothing to hold onto. Ever since she was a baby she has slept with Boo. I know I have posted pictures of Boo before, he's in the picture of her at breakfast. Ah, I found one of Boo and his replacement that she discovered one day.

Anyway, this is how she sleeps and she couldn't sleep on me without something to hold onto. I gave her my arm and she actually fell asleep. My not so little girl is 8 years old and she fell asleep on me at church. It says a lot about the relationship that the two of us have. She has always been a mama's girl. She still begs me to sleep with her in the guest room.

As I held her, I thought about how strange it was that so much of the joy and pain in my life has been wrapped up in this one little girl. TD and Buttercup have just given me mostly joy! Fiona is the good and the bad. I thought about how many times we almost lost her, starting way back when she was 18 months old and had a seizure. While we were waiting for the paramedics to show up, her lips started turning purple. She started breathing again after I gave her mouth to mouth. Then later on, during that tumor biopsy surgery, while we waited with baited breath for them to tell us she was okay...during all of those CT scans that checked for evidence of disease recurrence.

We believe, in our church, that there is opposition in all things. That you can never truly know happiness without knowing sorrow, pleasure without suffering pain. This little girl truly has exemplified that in my life. I don't know if I would have such joy in her without us having to have suffered together.

I took the time to enjoy the feeling of having my own baby sleep on me once again. I am sure it was the last time, at least until I get to cuddle one of my grandbabies on my lap and enjoy the feeling of a baby of mine snuggled on my lap. Sometimes you think that life could be gotten through without the suffering, that life lessons would be learned just fine through other people or just a hint of the suffering possible. I never thought I would say this, but I just don't think that's possible. Sometimes you truly have to suffer to know the highest joy.

I am (now) glad she's such a mama's girl. She has promised me that when she gets too big for my lap I can sit on hers. I hope so.

Perfect Storm

So, this week, I started out great. I did all of my chores on Monday. (Shhh, don't tell TD. I don't want him to think it can all be done in a day.) It turned out well for me that I did that because on Wednesday, I went to Zumba, went to Fiona's class to volunteer and then came home and laid in bed for the rest of the day. I took Thursday and Friday off too.
It happened because, well, first, TD's sleeping habits have been awful and it's made me constantly exhausted. This allowed me to catch Fiona's hacking cold. Which, you know, it's really hard not to kiss on that little girl. She has always been yummy.
Then, my pills, to keep all things girl in check, have gone off the reservation. I mean, I started the beginning of my pill pack with some break through bleeding and then for about 10 days, it's been more like a period, including cramping, but thank heavens, not like an old period. I am just not sure where all of this came from. I am giving myself through tomorrow before calling the doctor and saying uncle. It's been so frustrating.
I decided to take a couple of days off from everything because even though things like working out are healthy, I think they have diminishing returns when your body is seriously depleted. My heart was racing at that last Zumba class and I was just plain exhausted. I also took some medicine. Can I just tell you that liquid Theraflu (looks like Nyquil) is amazing! I got this through couponing at Walgreens for about $1 a bottle and added it to my end of the world stash. I don't like Nyquil very much, it makes me wake up in the middle of the night. This stuff? Was like being hit over the head with a 2x4. The first morning, I woke up and my cold felt 75% better! I took some the next night, just to make sure and my cold is entirely gone. No more sniffles, no more racing heart, no more hacking cough.
It was nice to give myself permission not to do anything. Sometimes, as moms, it seems like it's just easier to power through whatever is going on and hope for the best. It's not like we would send our kids, with a temperature and vomiting, to school, so why would we do that to ourselves? Just because we don't have someone to substitute for us, doesn't mean things can't get slacked off for a bit. And if we do need it, especially being LDS, it always seems like there are someones I can call. (And don't get mad at me, I would've called had I needed anything at all, I promise). But the house was clean, we had food to eat and the girls are fairly self sufficient as well as good companions. There's nothing like curling up with Fiona and watching a Star Wars movie to make you feel better. Hopefully next week will be better, especially since Buttercup turns 11 on Tuesday and Easter is next Sunday!

I Think It's Finally All Gone

I think Fiona's chemo has finally all left her little body. I say this because I had forgotten how truly feisty and energetic she used to be. I mean, she was spotlighted at church and I got to tell the story of when she was toddler and she TPed and toothpasted the hallway (and her sister) when she was supposed to be sleeping. I had a multitude of stories to pick from, trying to swing from the dining room chandelier or climbing up into the highest cupboard to open a box of pudding and then flinging it everywhere before slipping through it and almost falling off the counter top. I could go on and on.
Anyway, I spent Spring Break with my girls last week without the benefit of major events. Sure, we went to the ice cream factory and played at the park, but those were only two days. The girls had a lot more time on their hands to make me crazy. And crazy they made me!
So this got me to wondering what the difference was. And then it hit me, without the benefit of 7 hours of school ( I LOVE Texas for that), she was back to her regular energy level and really only had her sister to take it out on. I guess I didn't notice because she had school and I had gotten used to her being a 'normal' kid, with a normal energy level. It's been 3 and a half years since she started this. That's a long time in the life of an 8 year old. It redefined normal for all of us.
I am grateful that slowly, but surely, she is moving away from all of the effects of that time in her life. By August, we are set to go to the clinic only twice a year!! Her hair is all grown out, her steroids no longer show in her face or tummy. You can see obvious veins on the left hand side of her chest if she is wearing a V-neck. That's from a clogged vein due to her PICC. Remember how I posted before that we weren't supposed to numb that side for her CT because they couldn't be sure all of the contrast would get in? The scar on her neck, from the lymph node biopsy, is really hard to find. I don't hardly see the scar on the right side of her neck and on her chest, from her port. I imagine as she grows it will become negligible.
I am truly grateful that she has come out so well. Of course, this summer, I might be offering to ship an 8 year old, free of charge, to the first claimant. Hopefully a bunch of swimming, trips to the Y and plain old household chores will keep her from tormenting her sister. I can't take another week! Much less months.

Check Out

Who I shared my breakfast table with this morning.

It's kind of hard to see how wild her curls get in the morning. Can I tell you how hysterically funny I find it that she and her sister use the sleeping masks they got from a faux sleepover? Way too cute!

Abraham Had it Easy

During Sunday School this past Sunday, we discussed Abraham having to take Isaac off because the Lord had asked him to sacrifice his son. The teacher asked how we all would feel being asked to sacrifice our most beloved things. A lot of parents said, out loud, that they couldn't even imagine it. I snorted a bit to myself in the back. I think Abraham had it easy. He had a divine directive from God, there was precedence in his land for this kind of thing, and it would be over quickly. Plus Isaac seemed to be old enough for him to understand some of it at least.

Compare that with Fiona. She was four. We tortured her with all sorts of procedures (that she wasn't put out for), we cut into her, and then we gave her horrible medicines that caused some really nasty side effects. Plus, the potential for the cancer to return was (and is) there. Not to mention, some of those nasty medicines? Cause other kinds of cancers. All in all, Sunday School was a bit uncomfortable for me. I don't choose to dwell on the negative aspects.

We also talked about trials. The teacher said she knew, for her, that her trials were to remind her of the closeness of God and his willingness to help her. That is something I have always known and never questioned, so I didn't really need a trial to help me with that. I do go looking for what I need to learn when these sort of things happen. I figured out that I don't really care what other people think when it comes to taking care of my girls. I learned that family time is the best time and we never know when that time is going to end. I figured out that my suffering as a child may have just been to help Fiona through this and help her to be less affected than I was.

We went to Texas Children's yesterday and I figured out that she has been apprehensive about it for a few weeks. We hadn't been for three months and so the familiarity was diminished. Things went really well though. I offered her her usual $2 for pokes or secret option two. She took the second one and I gave her a new Webkinz because, seriously, what isn't made better with a Webkinz for an 8 year old girl? Plus, we had a great nurse drawing blood.

Part of my advocating for Fiona is following some strict blood drawing rules. 1) Don't count when you poke, or when you remove the needle. She has numbing cream and she doesn't really want to know...2) Don't snap the tourniquet. You would be amazed at how zealous some nurses are with those things. She says that hurts worse than any poke. 3) We use our own band aids. The hospitals all seem to get the cheapest ones and they leave nasty marks on Fiona's skin. Just that bit of control over the worst part of the whole day makes her feel a lot better.

In just a few months Fiona will be headed for the Long Term Survivor's Clinic. Doesn't the title sound great? The funny thing, I have always told Fiona if I could get poked with her to make her feel better I would. I got to do it once. But when she starts the Long Term clinic, I will be making an appointment right along with her. Fiona's oncologist was a bit horrified that there wasn't a set of doctors following me, especially since I got some of the nasty stuff and a kidney was involved. So we will be going to the hospital together after August. Fiona will get to watch Mom being poked, without numbing cream. I might steal her Hannah Montana band aids though!

Money Saving

I think it was last year (good grief, has it been that long?) that I blogged about wanting to save money. One place where I have gone crazy is the Internet. There are tons of sites devoted to telling you the good deals, where and when to find them, and coupons to make your savings even better. I couldn't believe it when I first read that none of these ladies spend money on things like toothpastes, medicines, hygiene products, etc. I had a hard time believing it until I started following their advice. It's amazing! I can't believe I waited this long to jump on the band wagon. I started avoiding some of this when they had the backlash over Internet coupons, you know, no one would take them and anyone who tried to use them would be accused of fraud at the checkout stand. Well, that no longer happens. Not to mention quite a few will take their store coupons and another manufacturer's coupon for the same item!
Another way to get stuff free is through online emailings or search engines. I found a new one recently called Swagbucks. I have made $20 in amazon.com gift codes in the last couple of months. I can't believe how quickly I made it. If I something to look up on the Internet, I have to remind myself to go there and look it up first. I am hoping to pay for most of Christmas on amazon.com with all of the codes I earn through the year, that would be amazing. If you want to sign up, I have a referral code.
I also do Mypoints. I have done them forever. I have gotten quite a few gift cards. They just send you emails and you click on the link and get points. You can also shop through their website and get more points. I started our Netflix through them and also got my contacts at 1-800contacts through them and got extra points. I wish they had a referral code, I have to send emails out through them. I use these points to get restaurant gift cards when we go on vacation or get a Barnes and Noble gift card to take the girls to buy a book.
I figure, these things are out there, why not take advantage of them. They are fairly easy things to do and I love surprising the girls with the extras.