Why Wallow in it?

So, I got an appointment for my IVP (specialized kidney x-ray) for Friday. I have to fast until about 11am...we all know how I feel about that. But I've had two days to think about this stuff. For a while, I contemplated hysteria. The last time I had an IVP, it resulted in a cancer diagnosis and loss of one of my kidneys. I have successfully pushed my lack of a kidney to the back of my mind, for most of my life. It resurfaces every once in a while, when I have an awful pregnanc(ies) that "most likely didn't have a permanent effect on it". Or when I have a kidney infection that goes septic and almost kills me. But most of the time I just take it for granted and ignore the perils.
Anyway, today I had to explain to someone my exhaustion and busy schedule, which led to larger explanations. She looked at me and said, " But you are always so cheerful...why?" I told her, I could be irritated or sad for about half a day, but after a while, I wouldn't like myself any more and neither would anyone else. If I can't change something, I refuse to dwell on it. Plus, I think my mind has a fail safe shut off switch. It refuses to let me worry about things.
TD and I were talking tonight and I told him I think my body is falling apart after two years of constant struggle with Fiona. I told him that I wanted to take a good vacation that is just us after the start of the year. I think we should just go somewhere and just chill, sans children. Thank heavens Moe is here.
When I was pregnant with Fiona and depressed because I felt so awful, I had the privilege of watching a session of our church's conference and a talk came on that spoke to my heart, then and now. Here is an excerpt:
Another fundamental scripture describes Jesus’ having trodden the winepress of the “fierceness of the wrath of Almighty God” (D&C 88:106; see also D&C 76:107; D&C 133:50). Others can and should encourage, commend, pray, and comfort, but the lifting and carrying of our individual crosses remains ours to do. Given the “fierceness” Christ endured for us, we cannot expect a discipleship of unruffled easiness. As we seek forgiveness, for example, repentance can be a rough-hewn regimen to bear. By the way, let us not, as some do, mistake the chips we have placed on our own shoulders for crosses!
Uniquely, atoning Jesus also “descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things” (D&C 88:6; see also D&C 122:8). How deep that descent into despair and abysmal agony must have been! He did it to rescue us and in order to comprehend human suffering. Therefore, let us not resent those tutoring experiences which can develop our own empathy further (see Alma 7:11–12). A slothful heart will not do, and neither will a resentful heart. So being admitted fully to “the fellowship of his sufferings” requires the full dues of discipleship (Philip. 3:10; see also 1 Cor. 1:9).
Moreover, Jesus not only took upon Him our sins to atone for them, but also our sicknesses and aching griefs (see Alma 7:11–12; Matt. 8:17). Hence, He knows personally all that we pass through and how to extend His perfect mercy—as well as how to succor us. His agony was all the more astonishing in that He trod “the wine-press alone.
I am so grateful for the teachings that buoy me up in times of trial. I am still cheerful...currently. Just don't ask me to be nice on Friday morning when I am surrounded by squeals about candy and I haven't had my cereal.

Seriously Inconvenienced

That's what TD said. I called and left a voicemail for him at work telling him that I had gotten the results of my CT scan and could he please call me back. He calls back and said, "Well you don't sound upset, but you do sound seriously inconvenienced". I called the doctor's office this afternoon on my way back from the Y and the receptionist (very small office) said they had just gotten the report back. It was a bit hard to hear her on my cell, but she started out with a large ovarian cyst.... she couldn't tell me how large it was because it wasn't listed on the report. Then she said they also found calcifications in the bladder, most likely kidney stones. She was going to get me pre-certified, through the insurance, to see the gynecologist and also get another specialized x-ray for the bladder and kidney. Plus, I still get to see the dermatologist to get my moles removed, which was why I had the appointment in the first place. Score!
Seriously, here I got pretty annoyed. TD said, it's tough being married to me. I don't exercise as much as I should, I drink way too much soda, never eat vegetables, etc and I get headaches and sick occasionally. You work out all the time, eat tons of salads and limit your caloric intake and you don't get sick hardly at all, but you have major system failures. I told Td I wanted to kick something and he said, seriously, you will hurt your foot... and that's so true which was even more depressing.
I am about ready to start eating fried food, laying around all of the time and not doing a thing. The extra sad thing about that is I am sure the reason I don't have more wrong with me is that I do the things I do. Plus, I have had problems that require hospital intervention every other year since we got together and since Fiona has been sick I haven't needed it, and I was due last year. I am grateful for that because I don't know what we would've done if something had happened, but does that mean I need to make up for it with two things at once?

Ironing Part 2

My ironing post got so much interest, I felt like I should comment more publicly than at the end of all of your comments.
Liz and others, I am all about ironing in front of the TV. In fact, I use ironing as a way to excuse trashy television watching. Like there is really an excuse for my watching Lipstick Jungle,Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Private Practice and even Grey's Anatomy. I also feel guilty for watching any TV during the day, so my TV stories usually start, " I was ironing today and I turned on....".
Lori, I thoroughly enjoyed your rambling. I think it was that virus you were fighting.
Stacey, I didn't see her post, but there must be something in the air. Of course, when the weather gets colder, it seems that guys switch from the easy polo shirts to the more annoying long sleeved dress shirt. I suppose I should be grateful that my mom made me practice ironing by having to iron my dad's shirts.
As for finding a place to iron for me, if TD wears 5 pairs of pants a week and 5 shirts, times 4 weeks a month times $1.25 a piece, that's $50 a month and I am way too cheap to pay that. Plus, TD is always so grateful when I go through a bunch of his clothes and iron them.
K Kid, welcome. You can procrastinate until your see your hubby wearing clothes you don't recognize or don't quite fit any more. You know, the equivalent of weird outfits on laundry day, in college.
Thanks for the encouragement. I am going to try and iron what I wash that week. Usually I grocery shop and do laundry on Mondays, then I iron on Tuesdays. I should just make sure to save good shows to watch.

The Fun in My Morning

Remember when I blogged about my female problems? Shortly after, the doctor found a golf ball sized bleeding ovarian cyst, on my left side, which would account for some of the problems that were annoying me. I had another 'episode' on Tuesday, luckily I had a Dr's appointment that same day. I had to call TD to come home and take me there. Buttercup was home with a 'fever of unknown origin' (that does sound cooler than running a temperature, right? Buttercup thought so).
Anyway, Moe was home and could take care of her.
I went to the doctor and she said, it could either be my appendix or another ovarian cyst and recommended that I get a CT scan to rule these things out. I was able to get a one on Thursday and on my way out, I was given two of these lovely things. Two of the big ones.

Here is where I give you permission to laugh along with me and pretty much everyone in my family. It's okay. I have long accepted that my main problems in life are health related, starting when I was very young.

So, my morning started without breakfast. I am not one of those people who 'forget to eat'. Never happens. I live to eat. Then, since it didn't get it's usual high fiber diet, my stomach was already revolting. I opened the jar? of liquid and a very fragrant berry smell wafted out. Shudder. The girls were standing in front of me and watching apprehensively. I took a breath, let it out and started chugging. Maybe this would've been easier if I had ever played any sort of drinking games in college. The only thing I chug regularly is water. I got about one quarter down and put the jar back on the table. It tastes like berry flavored Mylanta. I hate Mylanta! And you have to drink the whole bottle.

Fiona looked me over and said, "I am going to get you the barf bowl." Thanks for that vote of confidence. I chugged another quarter. Oh gosh, my stomach has started revolting. Do I really have to get all of this down? I get another quarter down and start seriously contemplating Fiona's barf bowl. I get another eighth down and that's it. I can't get that last eighth down. Here I figure it's better than puking ALL of it back up. I get the girls off to school and it's almost 8:30am. I am supposed to start the next jar then. But I have to get out of the car first, there is no way I can drive and chug that stuff. I sit down at the registration desk and the woman starts filling out my paperwork. I open the jar. I start chugging again. The poor receptionist can smell it and watches me. I tell her how awful it is. She picks up her McDonalds apple pie and sniffs the box because she's starting to get nauseous from the smell. I finish the same amount as before and she kindly offers to throw away the jar. She takes me back to the Radiology waiting room and then I get called up to their reception and she offers me another large mug full of something. I start backing away, "Um, I've already taken something." Thank heavens, she didn't know I had already had it. I didn't have to drink anything else. I get scanned and out of there. On the way out, the tech said that I should drink a lot of water today because barium tends to bind up your guts. Swell... just what I need. I get home, eat and start feeling odd. About 10 minutes later when I google the stuff, I found out patients are talking about the laxative effect it has on them. She could've told me that instead.

Ironing is the Bane of my Existence

When TD was promoted to a lower level manager, I took on the duties of ironing his clothes. Previous to this, I was kind of busy and didn't care! He relied on his family's weird habit of throwing stuff into a warm dryer for 5 minutes and calling it good. Seriously. One time, one of his uncles spent the night at our house and threw his sweats into our dryer, for the allotted five minutes, for the 3 hour drive home from Eugene to Medford....this one still hurts my brain to think about. Were they really that wrinkled? Was he expecting to see someone who would scorn his 'wrinkled' sweats? Ugh, I can't think about it any more.

Anyway, he got promoted again and I ironed through Fiona's treatment and now he's a high level manager in his office and I HAVE to iron. I put it off a few weeks, including his vacation, and today I was overwhelmed by the clothing that needed to be ironed. Plus, there are a few items of the girls that have to be ironed. I need to be better at finding things that are no wrinkle, although, we have a few things and I don't really believe them, they seemed to still need at least a swipe of the iron. What I really need to do is stay on top of the few shirts and pants that come through every week. We'll see how that goes.

Catdog and other things

Catdog, Catdog, Alone in the world is a little Catdog. Does anyone remember seeing this? The only reason I know of it is because TD let Buttercup watch copious amounts of unsupervised television when I was recovering from having Fiona, dealing with her and TD was dealing with his shoulder surgery.
I bring this up because we have our own very Catdog. In fact, I am going to start using her as a parlor trick when people come over. I am going to put her in the powder room and when she starting begging to come out, I will ask people to guess what animal is in there. She sounds just like a whining puppy, she also goes to the bathroom on our lawn, just like the neighborhood dogs.
It has been awesome having the cats outside for the night. We haven't had any accidents yet, knock on wood. We had a close call when Catdog was whining at the back door and then went under the table and sat on the rug. I had a sneaking suspicion, heard her make a 'stinky' noise and grabbed her. Buttercup was quick on her feet and unlocked the backdoor and opened it in time to have me toss the cat out. I gave her a big giant hug for that one. Buttercup, not Tessa.
If I started a food blog would you guys read it? I love to cook and I love to talk about it almost as much, as well as share cooking tips. I read several food blogs, but I really only get something out of the treat blogs, simply because it's so hard to replicate interesting sounding dinners with my family. TD will eat lettuce, corn and potatoes for his vegetables and nothing else. Fiona is still obsessed with salty things, due to her steroid usage, and extremely picky. Buttercup is game for just about anything and Moe is delighted with the food in general. I figure most families have picky people and I could talk about my dinners as well as get tips.
Once again we are in the best part of the year for Texas, that being Fall, Winter and Spring. A very small part of me misses how beautiful the leaves are when they turn in Sherwood, but all of the rest of me enjoys being warm and mostly dry.

How Ridiculous

So, I thought the national media had learned their lesson back in 2000. Of course you remember this, when the presidential election wasn't decided for weeks, while recounts and stopping recounts went back and forth, until the Supreme Court finally decided to end it. Part of this was due to the fact that the media called Florida for Gore, an hour before all of the polls had closed in Florida, maybe discouraging people from going out and voting. So, in 2004, the anchors stayed back and didn't call any close state until they were sure who had actually won it.
TD and I turned on CNN yesterday to find them already calling the ENTIRE election for Obama. HUH? Are you kidding me? They are already calling the entire election before anyone even votes. They do throw out a few caveats, such as, people have to get out and vote first. How discouraging would this be? If you lived in a red state and wanted to vote blue, would it be worth it? How about the other way? What if your state was the color you wanted to vote? Why go at all. Back in Oregon, it was very simple. We got a ballot a few weeks ahead of time, voted in the comfort and convenience of our home and mailed it in. Here, we have to make an effort of actually going to a poll and waiting in line and voting. What's the point? And we have 19 more days to listen to this. So, if the next election is in another 4 years, does that mean the next candidates should start campaigning now?

What happens when Fiona is Bored

We were making a short drive. I told Fiona that I was not going to find her a movie and put it in and let her watch it for 10 minutes until we got where we were going. Could she please just entertain herself for a few minutes. Of course, she can. Not more than 3 minutes later I hear, "Hey! I pulled out my tooth... and I didn't even know it was loose." I think that should be the end of losing teeth for a bit. She has lost all four little ones on the top and the bottom and the replacements are coming right in. Of course, as much as she loves the money from the tooth fairy, she might start wiggling the ones in the back.

One More Reason to LOVE Texas

That's right! When we filled up in Corpus Christi, we did so at the ripe old price of $2.55 a gallon. How awesome is that? I filled up again today at our local Walmart and it was only $2.66. I love that price of gas is coming down.

How Life Has Changed

I remember years ago, when TD would have some after hours thing to do, not necessarily for work, and I would be so irritated. I would be stuck, at home with the girls, where I usually am, and he would be jetting off to play baseball, or paintball or workout for a few extra hours, or a football game with his uncle. And I would be stuck at home with the girls. Mostly it was Fiona. She was a life draining baby from which there was no escape. I laugh to say that now. I think I give new moms hope. I point to this angelic little girl and say, we used to call her demon baby and mean it. She was truly awful.
Anyway, TD mentioned that this week, he wanted to hook up with a league and play baseball tonight. Instead of being struck with fear and intense jealousy, I was all good. I have a DVR overflowing with trashy shows, that I only watch when I don't want to be mocked. The girls no longer have to be watched constantly, to ensure that no one is swinging from the dining room chandelier ( I mean that literally), or emptying the fridge, or biting her sister (hey, Buttercup wasn't a total innocent). They bathe themselves and brush their own teeth. They mostly stay in bed and I have the house to myself. (Moe works nights). I am watching my shows in HD, eating starbursts (from the green bag) and reading stuff on the internet. And I am pretty darn happy.
Of course, I have all sorts of stuff to do tomorrow, I am just pretending to forget about it.
TD has been crazy busy at work. We are taking him out of town for the long weekend (school inservice day). We will be riding roller coasters at Six Flags in San Antonio and then strolling the beach in Corpus Christi. So, I will be back to the typical mom and taking my entertainment show on the road. But for now, I am happy.
Oh! And when we get back, our kitties will have to learn to go potty outside because if I have scoop poop more than 10 times a day, I swear I will totally go postal!

Celebrities, High School, Propaganda....

So, I was standing in the kitchen (yup! I can stand again!) making dinner and I heard TD watching a political rally in our bedroom. I could hear someone speaking ( I think it was Barack Obama) and then I could hear grown adults screaming and applauding. It made me start thinking about Hitler, no I am not making comparisons between Hitler and Obama. I just started thinking of the propaganda films where Hitler would make statements and adults would yell and scream. I have never been much of a joiner and I cannot remember the last time I yelled and screamed for someone. Then I started thinking of how we treat politicians as celebrities and then how nicely we treat celebrities....And it makes me think how life is like high school. There are the cool kids, athletes (yup still got them), actors, politicians (some of them, especially those endorsed by actors), nerds (got to admit a good portion of them make out better in life than in high school)....etc
I told TD I am not sure there is a person on earth, that the mere idea of meeting them would reduce me to screaming and crying. I can't think that treating politicians, theoretically people who are supposed to be working for us, as celebrities, has been such a great idea. The first one had to have been Bill Clinton and look where that got us personally as a nation. I think this shift causes parties to make attacks more personal. Instead of discussing the facts, we are discussing what people are wearing, driving, what, or who, their spouses are wearing. So instead of applying for a job as a CEO, they are auditioning for a part. Instead of thoroughly discussing their platforms, they talk about how their opponent isn't cool enough for the rest of us.
Maybe this is coming from someone who wasn't a cool person in high school. I never really got the cool thing, usually because it required money. I made my peace with not having any and generally not wanting the stuff that required a lot of money. Imagine my disappointment to realize that high school is just a metaphor for life. Thank heavens, I still just don't care that much.
What do you think?

Wanted: Crutches

I told TD that we should just buy some crutches to have on hand for me during times like these. Talk about preparedness! Fiona has been particularly sympathetic. She told TD he should be taking her to the hospital yesterday, since he had the day off. He didn't....and we had a longer day yesterday. We got the labs drawn quite easily. She saw the doctor for a few minutes and at the end, the doc said, " I also ordered a flu shot". Poor Princess Fiona. She does so well with so many things, but we didn't have any extra numbing cream and she started to get tearful. I felt so bad, but she needs one. So do we all, ugh. So we waited some more. The stupid thing was, I could've asked for some cream as long as it took them to get us the shot. She started crying. I told her she had to stop because she always makes me cry and that's not pretty. I think when she starts crying over medical procedures, she's not necessarily scared, just sad and sick of getting them and I totally feel her pain. I am sad and sick of her getting them. She did really well. We have never had to hold her down when she gets stuff done.
My foot started to ache at the end of the day. Plus, I got the lovely purple, blood pooling in the foot due to standing all day.
Oh and we found out that Fiona is going to be scheduled for another CT next month. She will get one at 3 months out, 6 months and then a year. I also had to ask the doctor Fiona's odds. She said with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma, she's looking at 75-80% success rate and the further she gets out, the better things are. I am glad she said that, they never talked numbers at our last hospital and you can make yourself crazy looking things up on the Internet.

Oops I did It Again!

Seriously, I did. I went to play tennis with Moe at the neighborhood tennis courts. We were working up to a good volley. And then I stepped wrong, twisted my LEFT ankle and fell over. I have no idea what I skid on. It did not feel good. It does feel better than the last time I did this. It's not nearly that lovely color or that puffy. Sigh...it's tough being tall and gangly(?) Is that how you would put it?
I abuse myself enough and I no longer get any special treatment, except Moe did buy me a good tasting salad for lunch. But the girls still expect to be cleaned up after and TD accidentally kicked my ankle 3 times already. Plus, no one is nice enough to help with the chores. Sometimes it's tough being the nurturer in the house. Everyone is so used to me doing it, they don't really expect me to need it. It's a good thing I don't get sick much.

Ode To Halloween

Can it really be an ode if I'm not the biggest fan? I am a severe disappointment to my children. I admitted that Halloween isn't my favorite holiday(Christmas) or even my next favorite holiday (Easter) or even the one after that (Thanksgiving)...oh come on, what other holiday includes pie? Or maybe I should eat more pie throughout the year. Anyway, Buttercup insists that Halloween is her second favorite holiday and she insists I give it more attention.

Maybe it's from my childhood. We didn't have much money and our costumes were something like clowns, my mom sewed the costumes, or gypsies, which really only needed a bandanna, costume jewelry, and all included make up. I am not the biggest fan of make up. Greasy, oily, gross stuff. I still don't wear that much. Then, after we wandered around, being herded by my dad, we got to pick through the candy, check for those infamous razor blades and then have two pieces. It then went into the communal cookie jar where everyone got one piece after dinner for the next few weeks. It's amazing how quickly at least 6 kids can get through piles of candy. Of course, I should probably admit that I can remove the glass top of the cookie jar, take out whatever I want, and then put it down without the telltale chink.

My mom got into Halloween after I left and decorates thoroughly every October 1st. Moe says, she would even get doughnuts and apple juice for them to eat for an after school snack, while they admired the decorations. Moe insisted that we do a bit more for Halloween since she now lives here too. We spent several hours yesterday putting window clings, wall clings, replacing regular candlesticks with Halloween colored ones, hanging things, hearth huggers, etc. The girls were wildly surprised and excited. We now have to find the perfect costumes. I have the cutest Strawberry Shortcake outfit for Fiona. She has the best curls and freckles. They also want to be Hannah Montana and her best friend.