I've Been Tagged

I feel so special, I don't think anyone has tagged me before, so thank you Jadie.

My 3 joys: My husband, my girls and how I feel about life here in Texas. The sun has been great and this spring, driving around with the sun roof open and the light breeze and some good music, our beautiful neighborhood...it just puts me in a great mood.

My 3 Current obsessions: that's tough, I am not feeling too obsessed about anything, maybe I should downgrade it to interests!: that would probably be finding people on facebook, I have really wondered how people in my past are doing. Trying out dance,dance revolution on the Wii, and getting back into a regular schedule with the girls at school ALL DAY LONG!

My 3 Fears: something happening to Fiona, should be an obvious one. Keeping Buttercup from going totally mental, that kid is so in her head, she really thinks about things too much (sounds just like her dad) I worry about helping her to be more of a kid and less of a worrywart. TD dropping dead from a heart attack because he is such a Type A personality and stresses way too much about stuff.

3 surprising facts: I was a political science major in college, but I can't hardly stand to read about or listen to politics any more because they are so much more about rhetoric and saying what people want to hear (both sides) rather than what should be done for the good of everyone. I worry, significantly, about getting fat. I know, how shallow am I, it's also for health reasons, as well as vanity. And last, how about TD thinks I should start a bakery of some sorts so that I can get paid for the goodies I just give away, plus I can pay someone to actually clean up after me.

The Real First Day of School

So, the girls had a really hard time getting to sleep on Sunday night. Buttercup came out crying because she couldn't sleep. Ugh...then the next morning Buttercup got up at 5:30am and proceeded to get her sister at the same time. They were already dressed and ready to go when I got up at 6:30am. So, I thought I would get the first day of school pictures. I started with Fiona. She did a good job of looking really cute. So, I asked her to call her sister in.

Fiona wanted to stay in the picture with her sister and hold her arm while they were taking the picture. I guess Buttercup didn't want to link arms with her sister. I am not sure exactly why, maybe she was mad because I told her to empty the dishwasher before she went to school. Which resulted in whacking her sister in the face with her elbow. I am not sure what to think about Buttercup's gleeful face in this picture. Let's just say she took a little trip shortly after this picture....to Guiltville. This is a place we visit to discipline our kids. I am not sure if it's because they are girls or just really tenderhearted that it works so well.
As a result, Buttercup was able to be in a Back to School picture and let her sister touch her. What a gal. And then, I had 7 hours of peace and quiet. Moe and I went grocery shopping and clothes shopping. Then I spent a blissful hour at the Y, not worrying about people 'suffering' in Childwatch. Okay, really, only Buttercup complains about being there. Fiona LOVES it. For those of you who visit the Sherwood Y, this one has a rock climbing wall and a play structure like something you would find in Safari Sams. Nice, huh?

Facebook AKA Cyberstalking

I am all for blogging, but only recently found myself on Facebook. Someone said I should get on it and reluctantly I did. Now I find myself surfing through different searches to find people that I knew a long time ago, in the hopes of jacking up my friend amounts (not really!). It has been great finding people. I have a really good memory and I remember a lot of people and wonder what they are up to. Moe doesn't quite get the cyberstalking thing, but she only just graduated from high school. Give her 10, 15(gasp!) years and she too will get curious about what everyone has been up to. Who is bald or fat or both. Who has gone on to do great things...how many kids some people have and some people who had tons of boyfriends or girlfriends in high school and still aren't married. It's been fascinating to see people again.

Anyway, I linked a picture to my real name and used that to remind people who I was. Apparently I have changed quite a bit since high school. I clearly don't think so, but I thought it would be fun to post a senior picture and you guys can compare it to my blogging picture. Check out the quiz to the side and answer!

Do Cartoon Toothpick Eyelids Really Work?

If so, I might have to do that. It has been quite the tiring week. After Buttercup's and Moe's early morning on Monday, I had to get up early on Tuesday because we had to be at Texas Children's by 7:30, which is at least a 45 minute drive. We got the results from Fiona's scan yesterday afternoon and they were all clear, Hooray! Then this morning, her surgery was scheduled for 8:15am, but they wanted us there at 6am....which meant we had to leave no later than 5:15am....are you getting the idea here? We got there and hung out for a bit. They got her in, right on schedule, which is a wild concept for us. TD and I went to the cafeteria and had a breakfast date. I was sure to thank Fiona for the first date we had had in a while. Her surgery took about 45 minutes and we were on our way home after 10am.
She is an awesome stoner baby. She looked upset when we walked in, they had just woken her up. She got very cheerful when she saw me and she kept looking at me like I was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Then she kept patting me and trying to hug and kiss me. Quite flattering, I have to say. I rode with her in the back of the magic school bus on the way home. She was still so tired, but didn't want to sleep.
We've been home for a few hours. TD went into our room and fell back asleep. Moe took Buttercup out to run her around and I turned on the FoodNetwork and laid down on our sectional near Fiona. I had been out for literally seconds (Rachael Ray was nowhere near finishing the 30 minute meal she had been working on when I fell asleep) and Fiona came over and poked me. She said something about needing something. I got up and worked on it and then my parents called. They were excited to talk about the picture card I had sent them, but I had to get off quick because Fiona came looking for me and was crying because her port hurt. We called in for some good painkillers for her. And that's where we are at...lying down on the sectional, watching some Star Wars (which cures just about anything) and eating some popcorn. Sometimes it seems that mommy medicine is just as good as narcotics.
I hope her incision heals quickly. We have meet the teacher on Friday and school (hallelujah!) starts on Monday. I might just sleep all next week, but it will be amazing not having to worry about all of Fiona's medical issues while she's at school.

What About Moe?

I know you guys are all wondering. She saw a surgeon last week and after he said WOW!, he said, she needed to have it out that week. He did ask her if she had had it biopsied. Big shock there. Anyway, she had it out on Friday. When the surgeon came out to talk to me after it was over, he said she did great, it was the size of an egg and then, jokingly, said they'd named it because it was so big.
She isn't allowed to go to work until Wednesday or work out until Friday. We moved Fiona's TV into her room on Saturday. That was kind of weird for me, we didn't have cable until Fiona got sick and then we got it because there was no way I would survive a Pacific Northwest winter with a housebound 5 year old. Anyway, it was weird because it was sort of a safety net, if Fiona didn't feel good, she could go into her room, shut the door and watch some cartoons. After this week, that shouldn't be too much of a problem any more.
Buttercup got us up last night around 3am. She had a bad dream and her foot hurt. Turns out, she dreamed that Moe was cloned and she had to pick out a skill from her self defense class to use on her (them?). She used kicking, which probably explains the hurt foot, I am sure she was kicking the wall. Then she came and got me just before 6am because Moe was throwing up. Poor girl. I am not sure if the narcotics did it. I usually have the same reaction to IV narcotics.
I am pretty sure we are all going to need naps today. Hopefully I have enough energy to go to the Y. This is going to be a pretty sleepless week. Fiona and I will be up early the next two days to head down to Texas Children's. Tomorrow is the final CT for the protocol and the next day is her port removal. Maybe she and Moe can hang out in Moe's new beautiful room and be invalids together. I should post pictures of what we got done in her room.
I think that's the end of my ramblings for today. I'm really tired.

Because You Gotta Have Faith

I finally figured out what I was going to say on Fiona's card. I picked up the cards from Walgreens and started looking up addresses. I spent a good part of one evening addressing them and in my delirium even put the address label on the wrong side and spent the next morning picking them off and putting new ones on the right side. Then, I decided not to mail them. I worried that we would mail them last week and then get her CT next week and have some explaining to do. I figured, better safe than sorry.
Then this morning, I went to our library, where my usual drop-off postal box is and I thought I should mail them, what am I waiting for. It came to me...I started feeling guilty because I had relied on Heavenly Father this entire time to make it all okay. I rarely worried about how things were going to turn out because that was his job, mine was just to make things easier for Fiona. Then, now, because it's all over, I start worrying about things? I had to apologize. Then I had to mail the cards. Because sometimes you just have to have faith.
So, those of you who I have managed to track down are getting those cards soon. And I am still working on others. Without you guys this past many months, I don't know what I would've done. While you might not all have gone through it, your sympathy and prayers have made quite the difference. Early on, Fiona would ask why people would bring her stuff or pray for her or cry about her and I would explain, especially when it comes to Mommies and Daddies, when adults hear about awful things happening to sweet little people, it really makes them sad. Then it really makes them happy when things are taken care of. It doesn't hurt that Fiona is quite the special little girl.
I am not going to post the card I sent out, until I am fairly certain that most of you have gotten it. If your address is hard to find or not listed, be sure and email it to me. I got plenty!

The End of an Era, You Might Say

Fiona took her last steroid dose today. How weird is that? Probably a bit more weird to me than to you. I remember getting the roadmap of her protocol two years ago and turning to TD and saying, two years from now, I am going to take the entire school year off 2008-09. It's wild how quickly we absorbed our new duties. It was normal to look at the week and think, well, we have to be at Doernbecher's from 10am to about 6pm on Thursday and then Friday we will have to head back up there because Fiona will need a blood transfusion, so that will probably take us 9am to 3pm. So, I will have to do the laundry on Monday, grocery shopping and vacuuming on Tuesday, the bathrooms on Wednesday, we have day care for Buttercup on Thursday and Friday, I should make some extra meals for those days, etc....that would be how my days would go. I told TD, it was like having an extra full time job and a half. The half would be the financial aspect. Keeping our receipts for our flexible spending account, arguing with the insurance that we did indeed have prior approval for a particular test or procedure. Remembering that Fiona would have to be NPO (no food or water) for Thursday because she would be having a back pokie. We soon got rid of that, she didn't like not being able to eat, especially on steroids, so she told them she was cool with staying awake for the pokes. What a brave little 4 year old. Thank heavens for dopey medicines.

It's wild to think all of this extra responsibility will be gone. I can remember thinking of our responsibilities as more of a prison sentence than anything. Something we had to get through and now we're done and I can't hardly believe it. People have been telling me that all sorts of emotions might arise now that we are done, TD has been waiting for me to have the mental breakdown he has been battling. I just don't feel it coming. It was something I had to do and I did it. Or maybe having done something like it myself, I knew we could do this. Or maybe the solid faith I have always had, let me know, no matter what, everything will eventually be all right.

Thanks for hanging out with me and giving me all of your helpful comments and visits. This blog has really helped me. I won't change the name because I will always be a cancer mom and things won't entirely be over for another 3 years. That's how long we will be regularly monitoring things.

Calling all of you Word Wizards Out There

I want to send out an end of treatment announcement, especially for our friends back in Oregon. I am just not sure how to word it. I don't want to say that Fiona has cured her cancer, it just seems to tempt fate, but something close to it. I am stumped on what exactly to say. Can you guys help me out? I have the cutest picture and a template from Walgreens, I just want to print out a picture card and send it. Thanks in advance! Ps, if you want a card sent, email me your address at ldscancermom at yahoo dot com.

Immunity is a Good Thing

Not the Survivor type, but your immune system. I am lucky enough to have a really good one, I think it might have to do with my chemo when I was 9. The only time I get sick is when I don't get enough sleep. The nights over at least the last month have been hard. TD has developed a snoring problem. He used to have an insomnia problem, the snoring problem is much worse, mainly because I would fall asleep first and not be aware of his tossing and turning next to me. But the snoring thing is AWFUL. I have really sensitive ears and it feels like one of those serrated Snoopy Pumpkin Carvers going in and out of my eardrum. So, I give it a few minutes and if I can't fall asleep, I go out to the Wii room and pull out the couch and try to sleep there. It's not nearly as dark as our bedroom, so I can't sleep long enough.
So, the last month, sleep wise, hasn't been that good. I fall asleep and then wake up an hour or two later to some really loud snoring. I have even taped it, to the great amusement of the girls and the near disbelief of TD. Then I got sick...I took it really easy yesterday and thought, just good night's sleep I will feel better. So, I took my Benadryl for the sneezing and nose blowing and fell asleep at a reasonable 10pm. I wake up at 11:30pm to some serious snoring. I had to get up and go into the other room. It was time for some more Benadryl, figured it couldn't hurt and I read a bit and tried to drift off.
Did you know that Benadryl causes muscle twitching? Like when you are really sleepy and can't help falling asleep and then you can't help jerking your arms? I had had that before with a anti-nausea medicine that I was given through my IV line. It's just plain abusive, the extreme exhaustion and the inability to fall asleep. I just have never heard of it before with Benadryl.
Tomorrow is Fiona's last chemo date and I just have to go, one good night of sleep and I should be over this. My face doesn't hardly hurt any more, thank heavens. TD took tomorrow off so he could go to Texas Children's with us. Since he doesn't have to work in the morning, I might toss TD out on the pull out couch and not take so much Benadryl. Please cross your fingers for me that I will be well enough to go tomorrow. I have never missed a chemo appointment yet!

Moe is Fine!

We finally got the biopsy results back. They were non-cancerous, but it still needs to come out. She's so relieved that she doesn't have to deal with breast cancer at the ripe old age of 18, but she's still a bit nervous about surgery. But the general consensus among the doctors is that it should come out. I laughingly told her that next week is fine, the week after that is not, and the week after that is okay too. For me to play nursemaid, that is. We have to schedule it around all of Fiona's ongoing medical progress. I know she has been anxious and I am glad she doesn't have to deal with all of the pains of chemo and other treatments.
I have developed a small cold. What a pain, I guess I shouldn't complain. It's been at least two years since I have gotten sick. I think my body is finally starting to breakdown from the last two years. I have to be grateful that I didn't get sick while taking care of her. She has been so needy that it's tough when I can't comfort her. Today she got whacked by a broom and I had to ask Moe to hug her better. I don't want to miss her last day of chemo, I have a list of questions already for the doctor.
Buttercup has been able to attend a self defense class for kids. I am glad she's in it. She's pretty timid. She asked me today if the stuff would really help. I told her that if I tried to snatch her and she stomped my foot and kneed me in the groin and poked at my eye, I would let her go and think twice about grabbing at her again. This seemed to make sense to her. She's pretty smart that way.

I am Disappointed

I am. Who knew I was such a daredevil. We have our first tropical storm, potential hurricane barreling down on us and this is all we get? It doesn't seem like it will be any worse than a normal storm back in Portland. We had quite a few nasty storms on a regular basis. One Christmas Eve the wind was so bad, it tore down a neighbor's fence.

The girls and I prepared yesterday. Moe was kind enough to clean out the gutters. The girls and I cleaned up the pool area, thus to eliminate the projectiles, should there be any. I went to Walmart on my regular grocery shopping day, only to find hordes of people stocking up on bottled water. I did get one thing of it, but I like to have the gallon jugs more, they are cheaper and well easier to deal with.

My big worry was Mr T., the cat. He's a wild man. Last weekend, he left us for 3 days. We were worried, even though he does this on a regular basis. He will wander off and then come back all happy to see us, purr motor raring. So, yesterday when I went to the grocery store, I bought him a litter box and his majesty is currently residing in the garage at night. I didn't want him to get caught somewhere and have to stay there until the rain lets up. He's such a chicken boy.

But as I woke up this morning, Edouard made landfall north of us, so we aren't going to get a direct hit and I have to say, I am a bit disappointed. The storm wasn't going to be bad enough to do a lot of damage and I was ready to see what a real hurricane looked like. Ah well, it's not like I don't have enough time, six months out of every year for as long as we live here.

So, I guess we will have a regular day, a morning trip to the Y where Moe and I will get 30 minutes of cardio in and a 30 minute class for Pilates. I really like Pilates and I like it better when it's only 30 minutes because I don't have time to get bored. Moe and I are going to take the classes twice a week. I can't wait for the girls to be back in school so we can troll the classes looking for something fun and new to do.

Head Scratcher....

Wonder why your taxes are so darn high? For us, I think idiocy in School Bus riding might be to blame.
A postcard received today:
Dear Parent/Guardian
Your son/daughter Buttercup Fabulous (we got one for Fiona too) attending ** Elementary has recently been scheduled for busing. His/Her transportation schedule is as follows:
Pick Up:
Time:8:11am (school's first bell rings at 8:25 and she is officially tardy at 8:40am)
Location: corner of our property

All times are approximate. Please have student waiting for 15 minutes prior to AM pickup.

What the heck? I think I have mentioned repeatedly that we are across the street from the back entrance of the school. It literally takes the girls 2 minutes (sauntering across the back playground) to get into the school. We usually leave around 8:20am. Now they want the girls to be outside, on the corner, at 7:56am?!! Oh Brother! I think they will not be taking the bus this year.

Here's To Keeping it Real

I knew this would happen, I even blogged about it beforehand. My girls are making me crazy!! It's too warm for them to be outside playing all day, plus we need to still be cautious about Fiona, don't want her running a temperature a mere fortnight before we are done and no longer have to be admitted for temps. Moe has had her issues and needed more of my attention and less of their noise, so there has been that, which I am more than happy to do. It just makes dealing with the girls more difficult.

We haven't had a chance to make it out of town, hubby has been to busy to take too many days off. He did get a four day weekend and we were headed South, but Hello Dolly! So, we weren't able to go and play at the beach. Oh and from here on out, Hubby would like to be known as TD or Texas D*** or Texas Daddy. Heehee, much more interesting than Hubby. He has been so overworked and almost grumpy lately that I didn't have a chance to act out the girls' latest behaviors for him, until he came home one day with the attitude of someone who is finally no longer treading deep water. I told him, I needed a positive outlook when he came home because I have almost no one around to cheer me up. Then I told him how Buttercup was keeping Fiona out of the Wii room because she had 'rented' it for the day. Then Fiona 'rented' the study. Then Buttercup was irritated because Fiona didn't want to celebrate Best Friends Day. Then if I hear Fiona say But-ter-CUP one more time, I will literally cut off my own ears.

This is all about keeping it real. My irritation span has grown increasingly short and I am so counting down the days until school starts. Unfortunately we will have some sort of medical thing going on every week, until school starts August 25th. That just can't come soon enough. I no longer have to plan my day around who needs what. Sigh...

***Hubby's real name is under the stars, not trying to make a statement!