Internet, how do I love thee?

One more reason to love the internet, hunting down tasty treats. My local Walmart Supercenter stopped carrying my favorite fish Lean Cuisine all of a sudden. I got on the internet, checked out their website and then found the nearby stores that do stock my favorite dishes. Then I finally caved to the Skinny Cow pressure and bought some mint ice cream sandwiches and fudge bars. Yum! I got on their website to find out what other flavors they sell and found two additional tasty treats, a peanut butter ice cream sandwich and also a strawberry shortcake version. Lucky for me, I can kill two birds with one stone and get both of my needs filled at our local HEB store, not the one I usually go to, but one a few miles away. Now, the trick will be getting it home before all of the ice cream melts.

The End is Near

I feel a sense of impending doom. While I am excited about the girls not having to get up by a certain hour every morning, I am starting to mourn the loss of my freedom. All right, put down the rotten fruit, we all come to this point eventually, I just got there sooner. It has been amazing to have the girls gone all day. (This is part of making the best of not being able to have any more children). The pressure of the summer has turned my brain to mush. Keep track on my Shelfari, soon it will be full of chick-lit, guaranteed to help me zone out by the pool. I feel like a little kid right before school starts, I want to savor every last second of unstructured, unmotivated time.
The girls have a day and a half of school left. I shouldn't really count the half day because Hubby has a late day, so I don't know if I will get a moment of peace that day.
I know the summer will fly by in an instant and it will be full of sun and fun and hanging out together. Somehow I WILL train the girls to leave me alone for at least an hour everyday. I mean, come on, even when I worked at McDonalds I got a half hour off during a shift.
Oh and while the girls will get to sleep in, Hubby has taken to leaving around 6 every morning....that doesn't make it peaceful for me, especially when he's not too careful about shutting the back door.

The Best Father's Day Ever

Yesterday we had a great Memorial Day. We went to IKEA and bought a picture I had been wanting for months. Then Hubby mentioned something about a Father's Day present. I told him I already had one for him. He said he wanted it when he got home. I took him seriously and gave him the DVDs and M&Ms I bought him. He sat down on the couch and watched The Office season 3 and ate the Sonic I went and got him. Later on he said it was the best Father's Day he'd ever had. Which, made us decide that was how we were going to do parental days from here on out. Not on the actual day, but just deciding a particular day and doing it. What pressure it took off us. The girls didn't know we did it, which helped as well.

We also got some window tint to put on the Eastern side of the house. I hate living in a cave, ie having to keep the blinds closed during the morning. It makes things much nicer, it doesn't heat up the rooms that have the full sun blast. People keep warning us up about the impending doom of summer, but we have had 8 months of great weather here, which is more than I could ever say about Portland, so whatever gets thrown at us in the next 4 months, I can take it. Plus, it's been great not being cold once since we've moved here. I do wonder if we will have to buy big blocks of ice to toss in the swimming pool. One time we went to New Orleans during September and I swear that the hotel pool was refrigerated. That was a bit much for me.

I only have 3 and a half days left of the girls at school. Part of me is really excited and the other part is getting tired thinking of all of the plans I have for the girls.

Wii Ha!

So, I got the Wii fit, I got to Circuit City (had a gift card) a few minutes before it opened. There were a few people waiting, but I had no problems getting a hold of it. I couldn't bring right home and start trying it because it was too hot! Luckily we did have the guy come out that day and say it was a small part that usually goes out on the first hot streak of the year. He fixed it and things started to get cool. I did come home from the Y, already hot, so I jumped on it for a bit before I had to get the girls. I had to go through this whole intro section. I hadn't made myself a Mii, so I had to take the one the girls had already made for me. Which included my glasses, thank you Buttercup.I didn't check my weight, thereby still keeping my New Years resolution, but I did have a completely normal BMI. Hubby, on the other hand, with all of his muscle mass was overweight, which made his Mii (the little guy in blue) overweight. We all had a big chuckle over that one.
I did exercise my ab muscles pretty well with the hula hoop game. It is a much more fun way to working out the abs. You also get to pick out a personal trainer. Oh, I think the most fun I had was trying to head butt soccer balls. What they don't tell you is that they start lobbing cleats and panda bear heads(?) and you are supposed to dodge those. When the cleats inevitably smack you in the 'head' it's quite disconcerting. My first thought was how rude.
While the WiiFit isn't going to replace my normal workout, apparently I am too advanced for it, it's quite a fun way to get up and move during the day and it's even more fun to watch someone else get smacked around. Hubby's hair flew up every time he got swatted with a cleat or a panda bear head.

I'm Melting, Melting

I woke up this morning and thought it was awfully warm. Some parts of the programmable thermostat haven't been thoroughly programmed since it started getting hot. So, I made sure it was on this morning, but nothing was coming out. UGh!! Things are starting to warm up, so it needs to get taken care of. We did get a year long warranty with the house, but I am not sure exactly what is covered. Plus, it is hot in the house!! So, even though I have been slacking in the housework department, I won't be able to hang out here all day and get it taken care of. But the warranty place got us a work guy to come out tonight. It's funny, I was on the with automated thing and it said, is this life threatening. So, I thought, not really, I mean I wouldn't be calling 911. But then it said, are you having high temperatures or do you have a serious illness, then I could say yes to both. We can't have Fiona getting overheated. Thank heavens she will be in an overly air conditioned school all day.
I will be off to the electronic store so I can purchase Wii Fit! I am very excited about this. Half of the fun seems to be in watching people do their thing. The girls and I are going to have a good time laughing at each other, once we get the air conditioning fixed.
Then I will have to spend some time at the Y.

Girlie Questions

I have told you guys about my endometriosis problems, well they seem to be getting worse. It's really only pain. (only) A few years ago a gynecologist offered a few options. I could take birth control pills. I could take a therapy that mimics menopause, which would give the extra tissue a chance to die off. Neither of these are very interesting to me. I worry about the birth control pills. I don't need to take them, for prevention reasons. From what I understand they trick your body into thinking it's pregnant...which would be a nightmare for me. I do NOT do pregnancy well and I worry about what that would do for me. I guess I would have to take this option first before throwing myself into premature, temporary menopause. My question is this, are birth control pills really that bad? I have heard some nasty things, weight gain (ugh!), breakthrough bleeding (ew!), libido problems (uncool), sore chest (ouch)...the list just goes on and on. Dealing with pain a few days a month versus wrecking my entire body system all of the time. I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

It's Chemo time....Again

Say the title like you would from the movie Groundhog day! Fiona and I saddled up the Magic School bus and headed down to Texas Childrens'. This time I let her bring along the inappropriate Star Wars and I let her listen to it on the speakers instead of those wonderful wireless headphones. We spent a long time in the first waiting room and less in the second. Door to door it was only(?!) 5 hours. Which makes it one of our shorter trips. We are now down to three! Can you believe it?

By Friday afternoon Fiona was pale and was sporting dark circles under her eyes. That is par for the course. The injection she gets is hardest on her bone marrow. It's one of the drugs I had to take. We are on the steroids, joy, but it's the last time she will be on steroids while trying to go to school, which is a great blessing. It will be nice, this summer, to do nothing when she feels not quite herself.

I am excited that school is almost over. They have maintained quite a rigorous schedule here, compared to their Oregon school. I am amazed at the difference in their curriculums. One thing we could've done without is something called Mini Society. It involves thinking of something to sell, for at least 4 weeks in a row. They can use only use ten real dollars to make the things they are going to sell. It's so annoying! Apparently it goes on for a few years, so once Buttercup is done, Fiona will have to do it. Fiona is quite the reader and Buttercup has mastered both multiplication and division. I am thoroughly impressed by our school, I just wish it didn't make the kids so crazy.

Poor Buttercup

A couple of nights ago, Buttercup said her stomach was really bothering her. After the 3rd degree, I realized it didn't matter what was specifically wrong with her stomach (like it would with Fiona) I could just give her Pepto, like my mom used to give me. So I did that, tucked her into bed and gave her a large bowl. She fell asleep and seemed fine in the morning.
When I picked her up from school yesterday she told me she wasn't feeling well again. So I told her to lay down and read her book again. A little while later, she came out crying. I was trying to get to the bottom of it. She said her stomach hasn't really been hurting her, she has just been worried about something on her foot. I looked at it a bit and said, I don't think it's that bad. What's the worst thing it could be? Fleshing eating bacteria? She sort of sobbed and said, " YESSS!!" That poor girl. What 9 year old would even be considering flesh eating bacteria? She said her stomach hurt because she was afraid her foot would rot and fall off...Sigh. This poor little girl. I told her it looked like a wart and I would buy her some Compound W tomorrow and things would be okay. How does she come up with these things? I am slowly working with her on telling me things. We even had a talk about how things will start getting really weird for her in the upcoming years and she would feel better if she started talking about things to me now.

Congratulations!!

Today my little brother became a daddy! Of course he does this after I leave town. His wife's water broke this morning, so her planned c-section (breech baby) due for Thursday was a bit hurried today. Ironically, she was born on my sister's birthday, the sibling he's least likely to get along with...wild.
I don't get to see the new baby until September, when we meet in Vegas for my big brother's graduation from his Air Force Physician's Assistant program. I also get to see my baby brother for the first time in two years on that weekend (he's been on a church mission). Weirdly enough, he was gone almost the exact time Fiona has been dealing with her chemo. I am glad he missed a lot of it, Fiona has had a special place in his heart. Fiona was born the 1st of November and we visited for Thanksgiving. We went around the table and said the things we were thankful for. My baby brother, 14 at the time, said he was thankful for the feelings he got when he held Fiona. He's always been such an awesome kid.
Did you follow which brother does what? Could be worse, you could've had to follow stories about my 5 sisters. The baby of which is going to come and live with us in less than 30 days. Wahoo! I have to come up with a pseudonym for her. She shares Fiona's real name, but we call her by a derivative of her middle name...the same name as Garfield the cat's doggy. Her middle name is also that of the Swan Princess. Did you follow that? Brownie points if you can figure out her name. It won't be fair if Emily guesses. She knows this little sister.

Ever Made A Wish? Pt 3

The next day we were off to Epcot. We didn't find it too exciting. The girls weren't up for most of the rides and they were going to be bored in the rest of the area, so we took off to MGM Studios, which I hear now are called Hollywood Studios. We should've spent the entire day here. It was fun to sit down and watch neat shows.

The characters were also great! Mary Poppins told Buttercup not to slouch. Jafar was appropriately snotty. He insisted on signing their autograph books and then shooed them off. We ate at Hollywood and Vine, a buffet, where I ate a few bites and then filled up on desserts. It also helped us get easy seats for Fantasmic. We got our seats then Buttercup and I ran off to the Tower of Terror, where I loved hearing her squeal. On our ride back to Epcot, where we were parked, we asked to ride in the driver's car on the monorail and they let us!

Our last full day of our trip was spent in the Magic Kingdom and it really was magical. We were ready to have a good time and we did. Buttercup was disappointed because one of the few characters we missed was Sleeping Beauty, my personal favorite as well. I found her character time and kept it secret all day. When we were there, we were trying to find the cast member watching her line and we did. Her tag said she was interning from BYU, we told her we were LDS and from Portland and she said her boyfriend was from there. For you that know, she was dating Andrew Folsom!! It is a small world after all. I love the picture of Fiona and Buttercup with them, but I love the picture of Buttercup afterwards better. On her forehead is the kiss Sleeping Beauty gave her and on her face is the blush of Princess love! We really wanted to go all out, but hadn't made reservations for it. We stopped by the Make A Wish room and asked the cast member there to try and make some reservations for us and he got us into the Crystal Palace where Pooh Bear and friends hang out. Fiona hugged and kissed every character. I think you are never too old to love Pooh. Once again, I mostly ate dessert for dinner, isn't that what vacation is for?

We got out just in time for the Mickey and friends show right in front of the castle. I loved watching Fiona more than the show. She loved the music and just danced around. The next morning I got our airport time wrong, or we would've gone down to the local Orlando television channel and begged to see Paula Deen. She is one of Fiona's favorite food channel hosts. The rest of the trip is the dull, boring airplane ride away from all of the fun, except for the fact that the small sniffle I started the night before led to an ear infection. Darn the flight path into PDX. We had a chemo appointment the next day and her doctor gave me a Rx, can't let Fiona get sick. Make A Wish is going to be one of those organizations that get our contributions later on. It was such a special trip and we had an exciting time.

Ever Made A Wish? Pt 2

Does it surprise you that the first place we went was the Magic Kingdom? At our GKTW village orientation, we were given special pins and passes that would entitle us to basically skip lines. We made it a point to meet all of the characters we could. We came across Woody's Roundup, when they saw Fiona's pin, they brought the girls into the show. After it was over, they took us behind the scenes to a special area and took the time to sign books and talk to the girls. Buttercup also spotted an area where the characters are all holed up together. While we were standing in a very short line, Belle came out of her area to talk to Fiona and was so sweet. We had a bit of a problem with Snow White when she called Fiona a handsome fella, Hubby insisted the next day I was to girly her out.
We were a bit uncomfortable cutting during character signings, but as we stood outside watching Aladdin and Jasmine signing autographs, a cast member caught us and marched us right over to meet them. The girls absolutely loved Mickey's Philharmagic, they hadn't ever seen a 3-d show before.


The next day we went to Universal Studios. If we thought we had gotten the special treatment at Disney, watch out here! Instead of going through Fast Pass or the handicapped entrance, workers here would take us through freight elevators or whatever we needed in order to get to be the first in line. We ate lunch at the Hard Rock cafe there. They made us feel special, even bringing Fiona a free ice cream sundae. Buttercup and I rode the Jaws ride together, which was great, she ended up in my lap by the time the ride was over (but in a good way).
Another fabulous part of GKTW was they would give discounts to various places around the area. We went to Medieval Times for dinner. We got to cheer on our knight and he even threw a flower to Buttercup, which totally made her night.
Contrary to what they tell you, they will bring you silverware. It was a great time.

Make A Wish calculates what they think you will spend on things like food, gas, etc and then give you a check to let you spend the money however you want. They even designated money specifically for Fiona's souvenirs. That was truly special.
Then we went to Animal Kingdom the next day. It was the only day we had bad weather and we were prepared with those plastic ponchos from the dollar store. We rode the safari twice in a row. The 'guide' was so cute and funny and we had such a good time. The animals were out in abundance, due to the rain, and the guide said she had never been on a safari when she got to see all of the animals, like we did that day.

Before we left the Village, voluntEars (yes I spelled that right, like Mickey Ears) came and did crafts with the kids and painted faces, Fiona got a rainbow. We ate in the Rainforest Cafe, but we had to switch seats, the first place we got made Fiona anxious due to the noise. We were prepared to deal with some issues for her. We brought Chex Mix to deal with nausea issues, which worked out great for all of us. We were given a free double stroller, which I highly recommend because it kept both girls from getting tired. I sort of wanted to get into one myself. But the sheer fun and excitement kept me going.

Can I make a plug for Walmart?There was one right down the street from where we were staying and I went there late one night to look through their souvenirs and stock up on water. They were so cheap and plentiful, I picked up tons and I could've bought even more, but I didn't want to horrify Hubby, haha. It was fun to find things for Fiona to earn later that would also bring some great memories to her.

Ever Made A Wish? Pt 1

To continue blogging about Fiona's cancer experience, I thought I would write about one of the experiences that was just amazing. Two Wish Fairies came to our house to ask Fiona what she would like to do. The Child Life Specialist from Doernbecher's said we should go to Disneyworld and not Disneyland because there was a special place for us to stay there. As the time got closer for us to go, I was just sure that something would come up where we couldn't go. The night before I don't think any of us slept well, except Fiona. The Limo...that's right, they sent a limo, came for us at 4:30am!! Ugh. But it meant that we got to Florida earlier. Every time the pilot got on the loudspeaker to announce something, he would say, We hope that Fiona and Buttercup are enjoying their first plane ride ever, and other fun things. Buttercup got progressively redder and embarrassed about it. People around us began to notice her behavior and Fiona's Make A Wish shirt. One lady leaned over and said, are they talking about you guys? When we touched down in Houston, Fiona squealed and giggled and said it felt like a roller coaster. Everyone around us laughed. As we got off the plane, a flight attendant approached hubby and said there would be something waiting at the next gate for us. Someone gave the flight attendant $100 for our trip, isn't that just the nicest thing?

When we arrived in Orlando, there was an old guy waiting with a sign welcoming Fiona. There are tons of retired folks who volunteer at Give Kids the World Village He helped us get our rental van and our luggage and we were on our way.

I don't think I can do the Village justice. We had a two bedroom condo. Any restaurant there was free. There was an ice cream shop that was open all day. Two pools, two trains, a movie theater,miniature golf, visits from Disney characters and Santa Claus visits every Thursday! We arrived on a Thursday. I read about the schedule online and I got the girls all excited about our trip by telling them they should guess what was going to happen our first night. I also told them they could never guess. They were blown away seeing Santa.

Someone visited the condo everyday and left presents for the girls. We also got our own copy of Give Kids the world Candyland. They also have a lifesize game, which we never got to play because we were never back in time from the parks.

Give Kids the World is run by Mayor Clayton. He provides tuck in service one night while you are there. You have to make sure the ceiling fan is off, his bunny ears are quite tall. He tried to eat some of our pizza, they make it on site and deliver it to you.

He tucked in all of the stuffed animals we brought. He pretended to smother Buttercup with her pillow. It was surreal that we were in such a magical place where people volunteered to make little children smile and laugh, if only for a little time. This only takes us through the first day. We are not able to spend the night there again, but we are welcome back any time, to play and eat and enjoy ourselves at this wonderful place. Fiona has her own star on the ceiling of the castle.

How Did it Come To This?

I felt like I was channeling King Theoden of Rohan in LOTR Two Towers. I let the gas tank get pretty low because I had earned 10 cents off a gallon for a fill up, through a grocery store, by buying enough groceries there. So, instead of paying $3.45 a gallon, I was paying $3.35 and for a few seconds was delighted about it. Then, I got to thinking I was only saving about $1.65....that's it. What a bummer. Gas prices suck, I can't think of a more ladylike way to say it. I am glad I got a hold of Hubby's new Civic. He's getting over 30 miles to the gallon.
I told Hubby my dilemma, of what to get my mom. He suggested I buy some Sees Candies over the internet, and have it sent to her, no note needed. That way I don't have to express any sentiment, but we still mark the day. I got on their website, but they are asking $15 for regular shipping! Pretty ridiculous, so I called my little sister and asked her to buy the keepsake box of chocolates that I was trying to buy on the internet. Then, I will call on Sunday and wish her a happy Mother's Day. I can still appreciate the 20 years that she was a good mom, without bagging on the last 12 years.
Today is where I get double time off because I am headed off to the school to eat lunch with Buttercup and then I get to go to Fiona's music open house where I am expected to wear clothes that make it easy for me to get down on the floor with her and participate. Ugh. Not really my cup of tea. I am glad it's not hubby's either because I get extra credit with him for doing stuff with the girls that he's not a big fan of either.
In the mornings the girls and I try to have a little family prayer before the girls go to school. We take turns, yesterday was Buttercup's. She asked that Daddy drive safely, that she and Fiona have fun at school and that Mom, here there was a big long pause and I could hear her brain working. Basically she wrapped up with, hope Mom has a good day doing whatever it is she does all day. Hubby and I laughed about it at dinner. She enjoys always having clean clothes, food to eat, entertainment, etc, but never really thinks about how it got there. That's going to change, we have homemaking class this summer. Both girls are going to help me with daily chores and learn how to do a few new things.
Update: The music class was an hour long and involved me doing the chicken dance.....I know, laugh all you want.

Help For Mother's Day

I am having a hard time finding a card to send my mom for Mother's day. Things have been better than they were in the beginning, but I still have a problem being lovey dovey on Mother's Day and birthdays. I have a hard time being insincere, so all of the, "You are the Best Mom in the World" cards are out. I don't want to be ironic because it comes out mean, so this card I found is out " Mom, here are a few words from the stork that brought me.....No Refunds" That card is either rude or petulant. I do believe she was a pretty good mom until I was about 20. I don't know what happened around that time, but things changed. Any suggestions on the cards you have seen? I also have to call, which is easier this time since I have made a point of calling every so often. Oh, I can't go to the cards for Grandmothers on Mother's Day and have the girls sign it, because that would be untruthful as well. So frustrating.

What I Wasn't Ready For

Having been through chemo myself, there were a few things I was prepared to do. Sit nicely next to my child's bedside while she puked constantly, holding the bowl, offering sips of Sprite. Uh, finding quiet ways to amuse her when she felt ill. Keep a vigil by her bedside, when she was tired and when she was sleeping. That wasn't what happened with us.

The first time she was hospitalized we were there for two weeks. The first week she was stuck in the ICU, hooked up to a heart monitor, an oxygen sensor (pulse-ox), and an IV. For the first several days, there was no time she felt bad. So, she's stuck to these contraptions and itching to get out of bed. I would regularly try to persuade the medical professionals that she should be allowed to get out of bed and ride the trike. The few times she did get to do this, you would not believe the looks we would get. One doctor told us she was the only little kid he had ever heard of that got to ride her trike to the OR.
Later on, part of her protocol included at least 4 day stays on the ward. We gave up Thanksgiving in the hopes she wouldn't be in the hospital during Christmas.
The four days stays were the worst for me. She felt fine almost the entire time she was there, each time. I don't know if I didn't emphasize enough to others how tired I was and how bored I was but we didn't get many visitors. Wonderful Jen brought dinner and her baby during the last time. That was awesome. It was very lonesome up there for me as I saw huge families hanging out in the playroom, basically hogging it, because so many people were there visiting them. This happened after my parents dumped me . One sister visited twice during the first hospitalization and the other visited once. My dad showed up once, the first time, for about 30 minutes. A brother brought dinner once. It sure made me grateful for our little family and more determined to treat others how I would like to be treated.
I guess if I had to do it all over again, I would try to be more forceful in telling people how much I needed some company. Fiona was good to have visitors as long as they weren't sick, which included little kids. Her favorite game was the trike, once again, which entailed me pushing her IV pole as fast as she was pedaling. One time, I went home to shower and left her with Daddy. I came back to find her quiet in her bed. Daddy couldn't keep up with her, she partially popped out her needle and the fluid was accumulating under her skin. I felt like I couldn't ever leave her!
We did manage to make it out before Christmas. December 23rd was her last hospital day. I didn't leave unscathed, though. I wasn't good about bringing supportive shoes and ever since I have been battling plantar fasciitis. Not fun.

SuperSib

I am sure that quite a few of you have wondered how all of this has affected Princess Buttercup. That was the first thing I thought of when she was diagnosed was how are we going to make sure that Buttercup is okay. I knew Fiona was going to get taken care of. Buttercup was at my sister's when we took Fiona to the ER. It was 10pm when I came to get her while Fiona was getting a bed. I brought Buttercup back up to the hospital with me. On the way there we talked a bit about what was going on. She asked me if Fiona was going to die. I told her I didn't think so, and definitely not right now, but if it started to look that way we would talk about it again. This totally satisfied her. When we got up, she brought out this magic set my sister had purchased for her and started to entertain us in the ICU. What a gift that was. I couldn't believe anyone could make me laugh at that time.

When we got Fiona's road map of treatment, we had to start looking for ways to take care of Buttercup when I couldn't. Instead of putting her into traditional daycare, we put her into Safari Sams. It boasted the largest indoor play structure in the state and was a place she loved to go. She would go there twice a week until the end of the year, the day we had chemo and the day after, in case we needed to go back for blood transfusions.

During school holidays, she would end up spending time at the hospital with us. I thought it would be good to dispel any ideas she might be cooking up. She thought it was boring and lame and was not interested in having any of that stuff done to her.

Safari Sam's was getting expensive and after Christmas break, we had her going only on Thursday and a wonderful friend of mine, who gave piano lessons, would pick her up on Fridays, teach her and then let her play until one of us could come and get Buttercup. What a blessing she was. I really appreciated the time and effort she put in to helping us.

We were fully prepared to deal with problems at school or home as Buttercup adjusted to our new life, but she was amazing. She had an excellent teacher who mothered her during the day. When we could afford it, we would get stuff that Fiona could earn, by taking her medicine, to give to her sister. She was quiet while her sister was taking a nap and playful when she wasn't. She has been an amazing big sister. Just like I don't blame myself when my kids act up, I also don't take credit for their good behavior either. The way Buttercup has behaved, so amazingly, is a testament of her good nature and excellent observation skills. I am grateful that she doesn't seem to have been scarred by this. In fact, it has brought the two of us closer together. I don't know if it was a relief to have a child untouched by this trauma, but seeing her everyday, happy and healthy, was something I really needed. She truly is a SuperSib .

The last picture was during an office visit. Once again, she was entertaining us at the hospital.

Lingerie Shopping for a 4 Year Old

Did I ever tell you about the time I bought a bra for my four year old? There was a time in her treatment, in October of 2006, when Fiona would come home accessed. They would leave the needle in her chest, attached to a tube, which would just dangle. I knew she was nervous about it. I could tell by how quiet she was on our ride home. This was before the joy of the new magic school bus with the built in DVD. My mind was racing over how I could make this easier for her. I knew that she hated the tape because it left awful marks on her and she was terrified of the tube being tugged on. Then it came to me. "Do you want to go to Target, after dinner, and buy a bra to hold the tube in?" She was intrigued by the idea. We grabbed Buttercup and headed for the little girls' section. They actually had bras in it, who knew? I grabbed some and we went into the changing rooms. I practically hurt myself trying not to laugh hysterically about the fact that I was doing this with them. I then observed Buttercup taking all of this in. She was clearly envious of the whole thing. I asked her if she wanted to try some on. She was very excited about it. So, I left Target with two sets of little girl bras and two very excited girls.

Fiona had just gotten off the steroids and you can see the distended steroid tummy and the puffy cheeks. I had to give her 3 more injections of the drug at home and then at the last day, I had to remove the needle. I wish I would've put something in the picture so you can see the size of the needle. It's an inch long. It was pretty scary to remove all of the tape and then try and not dislodge it that way. Then you lift up on the gray parts and pull it out. Pretty nerve racking. The picture with the bra was taken 3 days after she had her port placed. It was a fairly painful surgery. Once again, I have to marvel at her powers of recuperation.

After the surgery she had to have a chest x-ray to make sure it was placed properly. They did one and then said there might be something wrong, so they needed to do another one and have another radiologist check it out. So I sat there, freaked out for an hour while they were doing all of this. Her chest was where the tumor was, we knew it was gone and now they were seeing things in there. I didn't bother calling hubby because I didn't want him to worry if there was nothing. I finally flagged down a nurse after I couldn't stand it any more. Oh no problem, the x-ray was fine, just a new port that the doctor hadn't seen before and we were clear to leave 45 minutes ago......Nice, huh?

Time for a New Post

I haven't wanted to post because I was so proud of the last one and I liked seeing it. I have to admit I did snivel a bit while composing it.

I am looking forward to school being over. I am sure in a few months, I will look back and laugh at that idea. But the girls are staying up later, probably because it's so beautiful outside, so I worry about them getting enough sleep. Buttercup has no problem popping up at the crack of dawn, but she likes to wake her sister up as well. Fiona has been having better months of chemo because we have been pretty strict about her activities. When she gets home from school, we get her a snack and make her rest while watching TV. It's been warmer outside and we want her not to get overheated. But she wears me down and after dinner, when the sun is no longer overhead, she gets to go outside. It's not quite warm enough to spend a lot of time in the pool yet, I am looking forward to that as well.

Hubby was gone this week and I hate being the only adult in the house at night. The girls want to sleep in my room, which is fine. As I was locking my bedroom door, Buttercup asked, why did you lock the door? I didn't want to freak her out by admitting to be a total chicken, so I said that I didn't want the door to rattle if the air conditioner came on. It was a plausible excuse and she bought it. It's nice that Hubby is home, I am grateful for another child wrangler. Sometimes, I think the girls get used to my voice.

After the last post, I started looking at our old pictures and I thought I might start showing some of her old pictures. It might hard for you guys to reconcile the little girl I post about now, with what happened almost two years ago. Plus, I always love looking at pictures. This one was taken November of 2006 when Fiona was being hospitalized regularly as part of her protocol. As she's grown, she's retained more of a babyish quality than her big sister. I don't know if it's her personality or the extra layer of chub (or steroid fluctuation), or the fact that she's more cuddly than her sister. I am a bit more like Buttercup in that regard, it's only been in the past few years that I've learned to appreciate it when people hug me.

So my next couple of posts will include pictures of Fiona at the start of her treatment. I wish I would've started blogging about her earlier in her chemotherapy. I think it would've been pretty therapeutic.