What I Wasn't Ready For

Having been through chemo myself, there were a few things I was prepared to do. Sit nicely next to my child's bedside while she puked constantly, holding the bowl, offering sips of Sprite. Uh, finding quiet ways to amuse her when she felt ill. Keep a vigil by her bedside, when she was tired and when she was sleeping. That wasn't what happened with us.

The first time she was hospitalized we were there for two weeks. The first week she was stuck in the ICU, hooked up to a heart monitor, an oxygen sensor (pulse-ox), and an IV. For the first several days, there was no time she felt bad. So, she's stuck to these contraptions and itching to get out of bed. I would regularly try to persuade the medical professionals that she should be allowed to get out of bed and ride the trike. The few times she did get to do this, you would not believe the looks we would get. One doctor told us she was the only little kid he had ever heard of that got to ride her trike to the OR.
Later on, part of her protocol included at least 4 day stays on the ward. We gave up Thanksgiving in the hopes she wouldn't be in the hospital during Christmas.
The four days stays were the worst for me. She felt fine almost the entire time she was there, each time. I don't know if I didn't emphasize enough to others how tired I was and how bored I was but we didn't get many visitors. Wonderful Jen brought dinner and her baby during the last time. That was awesome. It was very lonesome up there for me as I saw huge families hanging out in the playroom, basically hogging it, because so many people were there visiting them. This happened after my parents dumped me . One sister visited twice during the first hospitalization and the other visited once. My dad showed up once, the first time, for about 30 minutes. A brother brought dinner once. It sure made me grateful for our little family and more determined to treat others how I would like to be treated.
I guess if I had to do it all over again, I would try to be more forceful in telling people how much I needed some company. Fiona was good to have visitors as long as they weren't sick, which included little kids. Her favorite game was the trike, once again, which entailed me pushing her IV pole as fast as she was pedaling. One time, I went home to shower and left her with Daddy. I came back to find her quiet in her bed. Daddy couldn't keep up with her, she partially popped out her needle and the fluid was accumulating under her skin. I felt like I couldn't ever leave her!
We did manage to make it out before Christmas. December 23rd was her last hospital day. I didn't leave unscathed, though. I wasn't good about bringing supportive shoes and ever since I have been battling plantar fasciitis. Not fun.