I guess I am breaking my rule already and posting personal photos. It's easier to show Fiona's progress that way.
Vanity thy name is Mom. I have very cute little girls and the physical changes in Fiona have been the worst in dealing with this whole thing. When I had chemo, for those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with a Wilms Tumor when I was nine. I had a kidney removed and went through 6 months of chemo where I lost my hair and was very sickly white for a while. Fiona did that, she lost her hair, but she has also been on steroids and the initial period where I just looked like a mom who didn't feed her child properly and didn't groom her. She has also been pasty white on occasion.
We only had two long periods with the steroids, and I really can't bad mouth them, they got rid of her tumor, but I hate how they make her look. Now, she takes them for 5 days out of every 28, which we thought wouldn' be too bad, but this is the first time we saw a bit of steroid cumulation, her cheeks are a bit puffy and her stomach is rounder. I hope that it doesn't continue. I hope she has a chance to lose the puffy before we start again in less than 3 weeks.
So, the pictures I picked out, the first one is about 6 months before she was diagnosed. We never cut her hair. It curled nicely at the bottom and almost reached her butt. I was always fixing it. We were very Pollyanna when she got sick and decided a benefit of losing her hair meant she didn't have to wait for Mom to fix it in the morning. I did have to adjust what I called her. I was always calling her my hairball, my fro bunny, etc.
The next picture was during the first set of steroids. Her hair was falling out at the same time and we both had a bit of a breakdown. I went to a church meeting one night and just broke down to my friends. I left a bit early and was just about ready to turn onto our street. My phone rang and Fiona was on the other end, crying, "I just want you to come home." I was crying on the other end, "I am already on my way home." Her physical changes were just too much for both of us to take.
This last one I took just a few days ago, while we were at the park with our friend Kate. Her hair isn't showing, but it doesn't show up well on the camera yet. It's a pretty ash blond and the sheen on it is amazing. I keep threatening that I can pull her hair now.
I hope the steroids don't make too much of an appearance physically, from now on.
2 comments:
She's so beautiful. Even with the rounder steroid face, she is a lovely, lovely child. I think if she had always looked like that, you and everyone else would have thought she was plenty attractive. It's hard to see the changes from that first photo, though, I'm sure. Do you think her hair will end up like it was before? It seems like a lot of adults who have cancer end up with different hair -- a different color, or curly when it used to be straight.
I never thought Lillian looked sicker than when she was puffed up on steroids. Even bald, I didn't think she looked that sick. In the PICU, she puffed up to twice her size due to the infection slowing her kidney functions. They couldn't even open her eyes to check the pupil response. Seeing that dramatic, sudden change in her physically was heart wrenching. It has nothing to do with vanity. To watch your child change physically so quickly just reinforces the feelings of helplessness and worry. I totally understand what you're saying!
Thanks for sharing the "pre-cancer" photo. Since we met after Fiona was diagnosed, I haven't had the pleasure of seeing her before the treatments took their toll. I agree with Liz though, she is a beautiful girl with a smile that lights up every picture. I know where she gets her beauty, she has your chin and cheekbones.
Good luck dealing with hair again!
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