Why Wallow in it?

So, I got an appointment for my IVP (specialized kidney x-ray) for Friday. I have to fast until about 11am...we all know how I feel about that. But I've had two days to think about this stuff. For a while, I contemplated hysteria. The last time I had an IVP, it resulted in a cancer diagnosis and loss of one of my kidneys. I have successfully pushed my lack of a kidney to the back of my mind, for most of my life. It resurfaces every once in a while, when I have an awful pregnanc(ies) that "most likely didn't have a permanent effect on it". Or when I have a kidney infection that goes septic and almost kills me. But most of the time I just take it for granted and ignore the perils.
Anyway, today I had to explain to someone my exhaustion and busy schedule, which led to larger explanations. She looked at me and said, " But you are always so cheerful...why?" I told her, I could be irritated or sad for about half a day, but after a while, I wouldn't like myself any more and neither would anyone else. If I can't change something, I refuse to dwell on it. Plus, I think my mind has a fail safe shut off switch. It refuses to let me worry about things.
TD and I were talking tonight and I told him I think my body is falling apart after two years of constant struggle with Fiona. I told him that I wanted to take a good vacation that is just us after the start of the year. I think we should just go somewhere and just chill, sans children. Thank heavens Moe is here.
When I was pregnant with Fiona and depressed because I felt so awful, I had the privilege of watching a session of our church's conference and a talk came on that spoke to my heart, then and now. Here is an excerpt:
Another fundamental scripture describes Jesus’ having trodden the winepress of the “fierceness of the wrath of Almighty God” (D&C 88:106; see also D&C 76:107; D&C 133:50). Others can and should encourage, commend, pray, and comfort, but the lifting and carrying of our individual crosses remains ours to do. Given the “fierceness” Christ endured for us, we cannot expect a discipleship of unruffled easiness. As we seek forgiveness, for example, repentance can be a rough-hewn regimen to bear. By the way, let us not, as some do, mistake the chips we have placed on our own shoulders for crosses!
Uniquely, atoning Jesus also “descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things” (D&C 88:6; see also D&C 122:8). How deep that descent into despair and abysmal agony must have been! He did it to rescue us and in order to comprehend human suffering. Therefore, let us not resent those tutoring experiences which can develop our own empathy further (see Alma 7:11–12). A slothful heart will not do, and neither will a resentful heart. So being admitted fully to “the fellowship of his sufferings” requires the full dues of discipleship (Philip. 3:10; see also 1 Cor. 1:9).
Moreover, Jesus not only took upon Him our sins to atone for them, but also our sicknesses and aching griefs (see Alma 7:11–12; Matt. 8:17). Hence, He knows personally all that we pass through and how to extend His perfect mercy—as well as how to succor us. His agony was all the more astonishing in that He trod “the wine-press alone.
I am so grateful for the teachings that buoy me up in times of trial. I am still cheerful...currently. Just don't ask me to be nice on Friday morning when I am surrounded by squeals about candy and I haven't had my cereal.