I think Princess Fiona needs one. She has been doing a lot of work. Her school schedule is 7 hours a day. I don't think I have ever gone to school that long. I also signed her up for twice a week swim lessons. We want her to be proficient when we open our pool this spring. She has also been having a few problems sleeping as well. It's not unusual for her to be bugging us for food at 5am....even when she's not on steroids.
It's one of those things I worry about. Should I let her take it easy all of the time or should we continue treating her like a normal girl. We usual err on the side of easiness. We treat her like a normal girl, but give her opportunities for down times.
I am not one for regrets, but that's usually because I live my life doing the things I know I should. On the other hand, cancer is perilous for little people and often times, my head wanders to what if, what if my baby girl doesn't make it. I try not to think that much, but I can't help it. The thoughts just creep in. If something were to happen to her, I don't want to think, maybe I should have let her stay home everyday and let her do whatever she wanted. She is doing amazingly well with her treatment. Part of me thinks if the cure isn't killing her, is it working? Or maybe she was just made to do this and even though we have had to do it, it didn't have to be awful all of the time. In our church we believe that Heavenly Father doesn't punish us for stuff we have done, but things happen to us to teach us what we need to learn here. In trying to explain such things to the girls, I used the Disney movie Sleeping Beauty. When Maleficent curses the baby and then leaves, two of the fairies remind everyone that Merriweather hasn't given her gift. And she says, I can't undo this fearful curse, but I can help. Heavenly Father couldn't undo her fearful diagnosis, but he certainly has helped and for that I am truly grateful and hopeful.
3 comments:
Andrea,
You are not alone in thinking "what if". That's what makes you human. I think that each of us feel the same way about our babies who have been placed on this journey through cancer. I don't know if there's been a day since my Madilyn's been born when I haven't questioned the possibilities of anything happening. Since her diagnosis, treatment, transplant & remission, I've asked myself that very question. As parents, we want to keep some sort of balance but are caught in the mix of "am I asking too much". I don't think that I'll ever stop wondering "what if". Especially with this disease, how can we ever know?
You are such a wonderful Mom. There's nothing wrong with wondering as long as you are constantly hopeful for the best possible outcome. And you are already doing that.
Keep up the good work. Know that you are not alone. "I hear ya, sister!"
Love to you,
Cat
Even if your child does not have cancer, the what ifs are there. What if he gets a disease, what if he is in an accident, what if...? Then you just have to be thankful for them no matter what.
We all need a mental health day now and then. No matter was circumstances we live in.
Life is just so tough sometimes, isn't it? One of Matt's cousins committed suicide last week and I just kept thinking how as a mother could you cope with something like that? It turns out the mother isn't coping and is in the psych ward. When things like this happen, it's easy to dwell on the many, many sad parts of life -- someone is getting divorced, someone else has a terminal illness.... What's miraculous is that most of us do cope and continue to accomplish things on a day-to-day basis. You are a heroic mother who is handling your current challenge better than most, I would bet. I'm sure there are dark days, and that's OK. But you should feel good about the happy home you are providing for your husband and children. Love you.
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