As I have gotten older, I have noticed I need to work on my social skills. I have tons of good aquaintances at church (which is pretty much where my friends pool comes from) but not lots of good friends. I rarely call someone up just to gab. I am not sure if I have too many people I could just call up and gab.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. This is party due to the fact that my life is pretty full and my down time is hardly my own. I spend it reading, working out, watching TV and doing census extraction for church. It is also partly due to the fact that my hubby is a total home body. He is perfectly content for it to be just the four of us and isn't too interested in socializing over dinner, at our house or someone else's. He doesn't hang out with many other than his Uncle on occasion. This sorts of cuts my socializing in half because now we are married, most people socialize as couples.
I have a couple of sisters that live close by and if they would just be normal, I don't think I would have a problem. One is a direct conduit to my mom and I feel like I have to guard everything I say to her. Our values don't quite mesh and she's not the most reliable person. My other sister, I am closer to, but her hubby is ....I am not sure how to put it. He worries me sometimes. He has a job where he gets up at 2am and so he likes to be in bed before 7pm. My sister acts like she has to be there the whole time. My hubby was in charge of church softball and he told her she should come out and play in the evening once a week and he observed some sort of interplay between them where he knew she wanted to come, but she ended up not coming. They only really do stuff with each other on the weekends. Plus, while she's not the leaky sieve my first sister is, she's not entirely trustworthy either.
Our ward is also full of people who have different interests. One of our activities was to go and get pedicures together. Quite a few go running in the morning to train for a marathon. Neither of which really interest me. I suppose I could do a better job of reading the books in our book club and showing up. Staying out late once a month won't really hurt me. I have been taking our girls to park day, which is every Friday, but the turnout hasn't been great.
It's something that bothers me periodically. I know a should make a greater effort to make friends, I just don't know if I have enough time to commit to making good friends. Any advice?
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3 comments:
I think it's really easy to make acquaintances, and incredibly hard to make close friends. Every time we move I have several people that I miss, but almost none of them keep in touch more than about once a year. I've only made one adult friend who I'd consider a close friend. Oh, except you. That makes two :)
Don't underestimate the value of those acquaintances, though. You don't need a best, best friend to talk about kids and housekeeping. Often my acquaintances have bailed me out of tough spots, helped with kids, brought dinner and cookies, etc. I would cultivate those, even if they don't always seem natural.
I agree - sisters are a complicated relationship - so comfortable and precarious at the same time!
As I think about this . . . it seems like the close friendships I've had an as adult have involved service, either given or received. (It's like the chicken and the egg, though - which precipitates the other?) But it definitely strengthens a friendship.
I hear ya. Most of my friends are from work or from church. Among the work friends, I am the social coordinator 99% of the time. Inviting the families over to play or girls and kids to the zoo or sending an invite for lunch. I've found that they're always interested in getting together but just too busy to plan an activity. So, I take the reins and we're all happier for it! Among the church friends, we share a common love of theater. Last year we got season tickets to the Broadway series in Portland so that we would make the time to enjoy each other and enjoy live theater. (We saw Mamma Mia last night...FANTASTIC!)
I dunno if this is very helpful but I guess my advice is don't hesitate to plan regular activities with people that you enjoy. That way it becomes habit.
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