Still Mama's Baby

We were in church yesterday and Fiona came over to complain that she was tired. I had her hop up on my lap (she's getting bigger, I could use the help!) and turn sideways so she could lean on me. Then I laid my jacket over her. She put the jacket on herself and complained that she had nothing to hold onto. Ever since she was a baby she has slept with Boo. I know I have posted pictures of Boo before, he's in the picture of her at breakfast. Ah, I found one of Boo and his replacement that she discovered one day.

Anyway, this is how she sleeps and she couldn't sleep on me without something to hold onto. I gave her my arm and she actually fell asleep. My not so little girl is 8 years old and she fell asleep on me at church. It says a lot about the relationship that the two of us have. She has always been a mama's girl. She still begs me to sleep with her in the guest room.

As I held her, I thought about how strange it was that so much of the joy and pain in my life has been wrapped up in this one little girl. TD and Buttercup have just given me mostly joy! Fiona is the good and the bad. I thought about how many times we almost lost her, starting way back when she was 18 months old and had a seizure. While we were waiting for the paramedics to show up, her lips started turning purple. She started breathing again after I gave her mouth to mouth. Then later on, during that tumor biopsy surgery, while we waited with baited breath for them to tell us she was okay...during all of those CT scans that checked for evidence of disease recurrence.

We believe, in our church, that there is opposition in all things. That you can never truly know happiness without knowing sorrow, pleasure without suffering pain. This little girl truly has exemplified that in my life. I don't know if I would have such joy in her without us having to have suffered together.

I took the time to enjoy the feeling of having my own baby sleep on me once again. I am sure it was the last time, at least until I get to cuddle one of my grandbabies on my lap and enjoy the feeling of a baby of mine snuggled on my lap. Sometimes you think that life could be gotten through without the suffering, that life lessons would be learned just fine through other people or just a hint of the suffering possible. I never thought I would say this, but I just don't think that's possible. Sometimes you truly have to suffer to know the highest joy.

I am (now) glad she's such a mama's girl. She has promised me that when she gets too big for my lap I can sit on hers. I hope so.